They say love will make you do crazy things, but I would argue that insecurities and infatuation push us to do the really wild things.
Like, being so swept up in compliments and chemistry that you forgot how to read red flags and your “non negotiables.”
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
As if navigating dating, guarding your heart, getting the recommended amount of sleep isn’t hard enough, I can’t get over the amount of girl on girl hate in the dating game.
If we could all step back, I think we would agree that it would be nice to finally find “the one”. Whatever that means for you, I would hope in good confidence we could look at our fellow Sister and want that for her.
So what happens to our alpha female, primal, and territorial instincts when we’ve mentally claimed a guy & SHE is taking her shot?
I can tell you what typically happens.
- First, we compare her to ourselves. Her clothes, her hair, intellect, body, laugh, and even perfume. Why would HE talk to HER if I’m so “this” and she’s so “that”.
- Second, if she makes us feel inferior in anyway. Based off of ANYTHING, we will be so quick to tear her down where nothing but her flaws are left. What a pathetic excuse this is to make ourselves feel better.
- Third, it may come later, but just like everyone else SHE is going to be better than you at something. It will drive you crazy, it will make you feel less, and you’ll need to prove yourself, because this is just as insecure as we are.
- At this point, you’re obsessing over “winning” or “beating” this girl for what? A guys attention?
Most of my friends for the majority of my life have always been boys. Which, news flash,
operate in a completely different way than girls. I’ve never understood how to be passive aggressive, or how to be super fake. I can hardly hide any facial expressions much less hide my feelings. But I’ve caught myself doing this before, and it’s a vicious cycle that needs to be boldly addressed.
What’s the flaw in this thinking? What is seriously so wrong about being territorial over someone you have feelings for? Let’s use another list because that what I’m feeling today.
- One, you base your opinions of another female strictly on how she makes you feel. Not the fact she’s a real person with strengths, weaknesses, and a life just like you. Comparing ourselves to one another dehumanizes the unique female persona and turns it into a competition.
- Second, this is real telling of a heart check that needs to happen. Simply by asking: why do you need this man’s attention so bad you’re willing to tear someone else down to get it? Or, why am I so insecure I can’t even recognize that SHE is pretty great too? Are we so unstable that we can’t recognize other girls have skills, talents, abilities, and appearances that are different than ours? If I need to belittle someone else to make me feel better, what does that say about me?
- Third, playing the game shows a deep rooted issue with not trusting God. Do we not think that God was so intentional do design the dimension and colors of our eyes but wouldn’t long to be involved with your love life? The one that God had in mind for you since the beginning won’t need to be convinced that you’re the one for him. You won’t need to prove yourself to be more “wifey material” than the next girl. You don’t need to compare yourself to someone who weighs less than you, has better skin, or longer hair. Genuine love, goes beyond abilities and appearances. If we trusted God to bring us who He would have for us, we wouldn’t be threaten by any female, and wouldn’t beg for attention from any male.
Trusting God in this aspect of our lives frees us from this game. It frees us from competing with one another, so now we have time to encourage one another. Imagine, instead of body shaming, mean-mugging, and self deprecating thoughts we used that passionate energy to remind our sisters what
they deserve. Which is God’s best.
So next time you’re tempted to get territorial over the guy you’ve been eyeing at church, in class, or at work just breathe. You won’t have to put on a show for anyone that God had prepared for you, trusting in His timing and resting in who He made you to be is enough. Singleness is a hard season, but it can be sweet if you make it that way.