Cause for Celebration 

Tonight, I choose to celebrate the lightning bugs outside my window and the dance they do. I’ll choose to celebrate the air conditioning and the humming noise that drowns out any other competing sound. 

I’ll celebrate the lives that were surrendered to Jesus today. I’ll celebrate with nothing but pure joy knowing that my sinfulness is no longer my weight to carry. 

I’ll celebrate the kindness and loyalty of the ones who call my sister a friend. I’ll celebrate the ones who disciple and pour into my mom. I’ll celebrate the clean sheets and the soft pillows underneath my curled hair. 

I’ll celebrate my weaknesses knowing that they just give You more room to shine. I’ll celebrate mended relationships, painful relationships, past relationships, and those to come. 

I’ll celebrate the way rain will give a hesitant drizzle but doesn’t actually pour. I’ll celebrate refreshing conversations and the feeling that washes over me when someone takes interest in my wellness within the journey of life. 

I’ll celebrate my single days as a gift and a time to be poured out to others. I’ll celebrate my quiet nights as my heart whispers prayers for the one I’ll wake up to someday. I’ll celebrate my talents, my gifts, my resources, and my opportunities. 

I’ll celebrate the crashing of waves, the bark of a dog, the natural fragrance of honey suckles, and th and warmth of sunshine the soothes the most cold soul. 

Mainly, I’ll celebrate the star breather, my redeemer. I’ll celebrate that 2 days of agony led to a lifetime of joy. I’ll celebrate that I am not the same & maybe you aren’t either. 
I’ll celebrate the day of redirection, compensation, the resurrection. I’ll celebrate the day my Jesus came back for me. I’ll celebrate.

I pray we never lose the unexplainable and incomprehensible miracle that is the ressurection. I pray the gospel is not a story we simply hear but a lifestyle we simply choose. Lord let us not forget the audious, scandalous, and graciousness that was displayed. Let us not get used to the gospel, and let us always celebrate. 

In the dust 

Writing at 2am on pure emotion and too much Dr. Pepper… I’m sure this will be an interesting blog post for me to shake my head at later. 

I’m very much a planner. I’m very much an extrovert. I very much love all my family & friends deeply. 

But one thing is for certain and that is the fact that not everyone can love you the way you need them too. Or even at the same capacity of the love you give them, which, correct me if I’m wrong, but is usually expected? 

There’s no greater stab in my heart than feelings like I’ve been forgotten or left out of a event that brings those I love together. Be it family, friends, coworkers, that is one thing that will always cut me deep. It’s disappointing to see those you’ve invested time, prayer, and life into just… leave you in the dust


Now, I know. “Don’t put your hope it people.” “Don’t rely on other for your happiness.” “Don’t…blah blah blah.”

Yeah, I know. I get it. I really do. 

Part of growing up is leaving behind those who make no effort to stay in your lives but I have a problem letting go. Or at least accepting that I’m not as near as important to others than they are to me.

Maybe in a few weeks this won’t even be relevant. Maybe in a few months the names of those who hurt me won’t even be a familiar sound. 
Mostly, hopefully after the good cry I just had & a short rest, I’ll be able to wake up & continue to love those who hurt me. I’ll be able to rise and be a Christ-like example. There’s no counting how many times I’ve broken God’s heart over my sin. 

You can choose to be hurt by those who are fellow, sinful humans. Or, you can accept your flaws, invest in those who love you wildly, and use every opportunity to make experience some santification. 
Short. Sweet. And to the point. Because 2am is not a time to waste my time. 

Headlights 

Headlights. 

Something so simple, small, and apparent. 

Tonight your headlights tailing behind my taillights were a sickening and nauseating reminder that we reside in different places. Our destinations were no longer the same.

It wasn’t just headlights in my rear view mirror, it was my past, and it looked like the way you laugh. Bright, beaming, radiating whatever you touched. 

They followed me around and down the long road, it was excruciating. Some times they fell back, and some times they were right behind my back tires. Which, makes me pretty tired. It was a cynically ironic illustration of being close, being away, just to end blindingly close again. 

The entire time your headlights lit the inside of my car, it felt like a light illuminating all the pain, secrets, and longing that I’d done so good to hide. I drove faster, farther, just to get them out of my sight and wanted nothing more than to be out of your radiance. 

As soon as I turned right on red, and you stayed to go left my vehicle carried a vessel of a being, but my heart stayed at the stop light. Watching you go in the oppposite direction than I, reminding me that no matter what I feel about it. It is you. It is me. And it is not us. 

When your headlights turned to taillights is when warmth of your presence turned into the sharp coolness of your absence. As of now, my head lights will be in the direction that the good Navigator will choose they will go. Where ever that is.

Between you and me, I hope they go right in front of your headlights. Because your taillights are a sorrowful sight I ought not forget. 

March 19th, 2017 

To My Beloved

My heart longs a little more for you than usual today. 

Waking up in a quiet and cold dorm room, it’s rather gloomy outside. The sky is clouded, but it’s still bright nonetheless. This is a good picture of how my heart feels today. 
Only because I would rather be making memories and building a life with you, and starting that as soon as I can. I long for the mornings that seem so gloomy, just to turn over and see someone peacefully sleeping (hopefully you don’t snore) and then that will be the brightness to begin my day. 

But

Life does not stop for me to come up with witty comments, loving remarks, or well articulated sentences about how it breaks my heart that I can’t extend my arm out to you, because you are not there. But, the great thing about that is, I know I’ll recognize you by how you will love me, because there will be no other correct adjective or description besides Jesus. 

And if that takes 30,40,50 years, my beloved, I hope you know that I’ll be waiting for you the entire time. I can’t wait to have movie marathons, hammock days, sick days, and midnight snacks with you. I can’t wait to giggle at filling our children’s stockings or trying to sneak a tooth out from underneath a pillow. 

 I look forward to being able to love you, help you, and support you. Until then, I’ll try to be observant and I’ll probably be to preoccupied with my race to notice. Get my attention.

Time does not permit for me to go on about my ideas and hopes if one day I’ll be able to meet you. But, just like I mentioned, life does not stop & neither do I. So in closing, I would wrap this up with one thought. 

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” 

And I can’t wait to find you, lover of my soul. 

I Refuse, and I’ll wait

I refuse to initiate, contemplate, and insinuate feelings of temporary interests and unintentional conversations. I refuse to flaunt my assests for momentary attention from boys who are more attracted to bodacious bodies than they are the Bible. I refuse to compare myself to other women and envy their marriage, bodies, and abilities. I refuse to believe the lie and get so desperate that I lose my standards along the way.
I refuse to sell myself short and settle. I refuse to ignore red flags and justify questionable comments. I refuse to be so available that I’m opened for anyone to visit. I refuse to let open the secrets of my life to people who aren’t “interested” enough to play a part. I refuse to let emotions cloud my judgement and allow myself, or others to be treated anything less than daughter of a King.

I refuse to beg for someone’s time, affections, or sweet promises that leave me as empty as they are. 

But, instead. 

I’ll wait. 

I’ll wait for someone to notice me, instead of having to make my presence known. I’ll wait for a man of God and not a “Christian” boy. I’ll wait for someone who’s heart for The Lord reminds me of King David. I’ll wait for the man who’s obedience mimics the kind of Noah. I’ll wait for the one who’s wisdom is similar to that of Solomon and is wrapped with the boldness of Peter. I’ll wait for the man who’s devotion to The Lord and His Word looks like Paul. I’ll wait for a man that wants unravel the tapestry of my soul before unveiling the hidden dignity of my body. I’ll wait for a leader, a gentle spirit, lover, best friend, and preferably a lover of good lattes. 

I’ll wait patiently and quietly for an honest pursuit. I’ll wait and in the mean time, be distracted by the good works set before me. 

I’ll wait for you, because hopefully you’re waiting on me. When you find me, I know you’ll know me. You’ll know that I aspire to have the gentle and submissive spirit of Ruth. With the wit and boldness of Abigail accompanied by the ministry and influence of Deborah. You’ll recognize me by my strive to live a Proverbs 31 life and desire to be a God-fearing wife. My prayers will reflect those of a honest Hannah and my trust of Esther. I’ll wait, because my focus is the gospel. I’ll wait, because even if you don’t ever show up, He is enough. 

I’ll wait because I refuse to share a life of unnecessary arguments. I’ll wait because I refuse to have a superficial marriage. I’ll wait because I refuse to be in a covenant with someone who’s waters are lukewarm. I’ll wait I refuse to live a “unseasoned” life while trying to be a “salt of the earth” wife. 

I’ll wait, because if the purpose of marriage is a symbolic message of Christ loving the church, I refuse to settle & be loved any other way. 

Identity Christless

It is no surprise to me that people look for love and validation in all the wrong places. Whether it is on purpose or not, the search is long and full of disappointment. Girls looking for short lived compliments that can quiet the screams of insecurity, and boys looking for an ego boosting girlfriend without seeing the trail of trampled hearts behind them. Most people, young or old, are going through the same thing. An identity crisis.

Satan is no newbie to when it comes to hitting us when and where it hurts the most. Because if you’re hindered, what good work can you be doing? So when you get placed in circumstances of emotional agony feel those emotions. But work them out. Do not let your joy be another causality of others reckless & hurtful decisions. 

One thing to always keep in mind is Satan uses people. Everything around you is connected to spiritual warfare. Satan knows he can’t win the war, but he can make the battle excruciating if we LET him. When we look for validation and build the foundation of our identity on another person or earthly thing, it is a pretty big foothold. Not to mention we destroy ourselves and leave others broken because it’s easier to use people as distractions, than to deal with our own problems. I’ve been used, and I’ve been the user.

To the user: this may not have been what you intended to happen. Your intentions could have been good. Unfortunately, in your own selfishness, fear, and disobedience you replaced Christ with another. You used that person to hide a deeper issue they have no chance at solving, and now they get to feel used. Thrown away. Forgotten. 

Fortunately for you, there is grace. There is forgiveness. Seek it. Own up to your mistakes and take on the responsibility of that persons hurt. Mend the tattered. Deal with your own problems with the Lord alone. He can identify and heal your deepest wounds, darkest desires, and bring closure to the hardest pasts. 

To the used: this is not what you expected to happen. This is not what you wanted. I know if you knew this is where you’d end up, you would’ve run the other way. You can self pity, seriously, you can. But you can’t stay here. Get up. Find your joy. 

Fortunately for you, there is hope. There is healing. Find it. Accept what has happened, and forgive them. It’s a process. Keep moving forward. (Also, don’t allow yourself to ever be a user) 

We can identify each other by “used” and “user” or we can identify as The Lord does, and call each other “loved”.

Most Christians do not realize the power and significance they have through Christ. I’m not sure if anyone could ever fully understand His love for us, but we should be trying to. If Christians just tasted the love Christ has for them it would leave them elated. We wouldn’t use each other, because we would recognize that we can’t fulfill each other. Our empty promises and broken hearts would cease to control us. Our words wouldn’t be weapons of mass destruction & our hearts calloused by pain. Our identities wouldn’t be this mysterious and complicated question.

If we would treat Christ like He was enough, He would completely fulfill that expectation. 

He knows you, friend. Let Him do what only He can do. Identify with Christ, and see what amazing things happen. 




Christ’s love is ENOUGH. I’m all for spoken words and powerful sermons. So give this a listen.

 

A Letter to the Broken Hearted 

Isaiah 41:10 

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

I’m not going to tell you that “you deserve better “or that “he was a jerk anyways”. Your pain is too great to condense your emotions into some vague insult to the person you probably still love. I’m not going to waste your time by romanticizing your heart ache into some Pinterest quote about moving on. 
Let’s be real. 

This sucks.  

“Did she just–”

Yeah. I did. This sucks. 

Let me first assure you, you are not alone. I know you’re probably red in the face, drowning in snot, nauseous, and the gaping emptiness inside your chest steals the breath from your lungs. (Hey, I’ve been there) This ends sweet friend. It does get easier. You’re totally allowed to hurt, to cry, to scream. You’re allowed to be angry and confused. A word of advice from someone who’s been there, pray

Ask God the hard questions until you’re blue in the face. Tell Him that you do not understand and you don’t like where you’re at until you fall asleep. Be angry. Make it known. He is your God, but He is also your Father. You are still His beloved daughter. He can handle that pressing questions. 

Matthew 11:28-30 

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Another piece of advice, give it the three day rule. Usually by day 3 you don’t feel as emotionally unstable, have showered, and have had time to think. Do not talk to him for these three days. Give yourself some space.

It’s going to be difficult. But there are some Do’s and Don’ts that should save you some heartache. (I’ll link those somewhere in this post.)

You should know that there’s going to be a time where you think you’re okay and you’re finally finally “over it”. Then you’ll drive by an old date spot, find a picture, or hear them laugh and it will hit you in the stomach again. During these moments, it would be easy to reach out to him. You will want to. But don’t. Breathe in, and keep moving forward. 

Isaiah 43:18 

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old”

On a positive note, there’s healing in Jesus. Over time these things will pass away, some time from now you’ll find yourself feeling like yourself again. Your heart won’t feel heavy & you’ll go weeks without contemplating your past relationship. 

You have something to look forward to precious sister. Adventure. There’s so many new things, people, and places for you to experience outside of your past relationship. There’s beauty in the unknown. There’s excitement in experiencing a new season of life. 

Romans 8:28

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

You may not feel this now, and that’s okay. Take your time. Breathe, because you’re going to be okay. God still hears you, your friends still love you, and you are still complete. 

There is still life to be lived beyond your heart break. Rest in this my friends ❤️

~S 

Psalms 147:3 
“He heals the broken-hearted, and binds up their wounds.”